By Mary-Rita McGuire

What does soul want from me? Constantly ripping at the seams of my daily life, slipping through cracks and masks that adorn this fake heaven. Breaking plates that spin out of control. I sit in my life asking this incessant invisible friend. Have I not given enough? Was I not born to pain and suffering, to a space of violence, addiction and poverty? As my brow weakens along the lines of my face and age seems to come to the forefront of my mind. I notice my youth has passed. That time of turbulence and walking with Uranus in a world that thinks you are crazy and mad to even think a promethean figure can light the way. How hard it is to tell people that I have no choice. I have no choice. I no longer sit on the green precipice of adulthood.

The edge of that time is a mirror of all that took place in the circus. Beyond the opposing forces. What does soul want from me when I am drawn to the esoteric like a moth to the burning light of death. Soul pushing me to study, to travel, to walk between worlds and to hear the whisper of the intuitive voice of spirit. I never had one of those spiritual crises, or meltdowns. Never woke up one day and wondered who am I? Soul has been there pushing my buttons since the moment I could breathe. I feel exhausted as soul pushes me away from society, out of school, away from suffocating relationships to a space deep in the jungle, or to the edge of the world of ice.

Soul asks me to study the arts, to act, to create masks that take me even deeper into my pain. To live on the fringes of people and places and to hold space for a million broken hearts. Refusing Christmas and traditional vows. Throwing rocks on pathways and making others soft like the tributaries of a river. Keep seeking, keep looking. What does soul want from me when the road ends and there are no lanterns ahead. The deeply wounded lighthouse feels the emptiness on the barren rocks. No family for you. No place to settle and feel at home. Keep moving, keep searching.

Soul wants me to be awake. To move through the world with the treasure of awareness. Soul only asks that each time I open my eyes to the world of dreams, that I catch the soul work on the wind and bring it back into this space of consciousness. Soul just wants to be seen and heard as the world fills its pockets with meaningless stuff that will end up in a similar box to us. Soul wants you to create, be alive, to love and laugh to play in the dark with the Goat God Pan and bow at Aphrodite’s temple. Soul wants you to sit in the world of the druids and hear messages on the ocean spray,

Soul wants you to be in the knowing of your existence, so when something happens that knocks you off your center into the heart of grief and loss. You were listening.

What does Soul want?
Soul wants you to live in reflection not regret. Soul wants you to live free of dis-ease.

Thank you Soul. I feel that my bridge between worlds has been solidified because of you. Your whisper on the late summer berries took me home, to a place of forgiveness, peace and acceptance. I spent time in lands which are part of my lineage, and I said goodbye to my Father before he left this world in the portal of a Piscean eclipse. Soul took my bracelet and dropped it in the Gulf so I would know that something had been severed.

Thank you soul for taking me to the boundaries of my own journey, to my grief and loss and to having no regrets for a time when I could have lost my way.

You have never left me even in the darkest night, pulling me back to the edge of the desert to stare my shadow in the face.

Soul Wants Nothing More Than to Be Part of The Ride.